I spent ten years with that company. TEN YEARS and all I got was a message in my inbox saying “We regret to inform your your contract has been terminated.” TEN YEARS. Everyone else was fired too, because we’re worth nothing to them. TEN YEARS of work. I can’t get over it. I’m so fucking angry and depressed.
I had a very bad mental health time this weekend (for once, actually not my fault) but a walk in the bluebells of Linslade Wood actually helped a great deal. They looked and smelled so nice.
Here’s a vast tree that many people have carved their names (or someone else’s names) into. I was almost tempted to do the same thing myself but I didn’t have a sharp object, and I’m not sure I could bring myself to vandalize a tree.
It is my 36th birthday today. I’m not really pleased about being another year older, and I have a cold (I am guaranteed to get a cold every time a big event rolls around) and I see JK Rowling has used today to spread even more transphobia over the rotting corpse of Twitter. I wish things were different.
But… the bees are back in the garden.
Comic-Con season is here! Absolutely DELIGHTED to inform you that Dave won third place in the costume contest for his Venom puppet!
I on the other hand was a Vault Dweller, accidentally getting in some viral marketing for the Fallout TV show.
Tumblr seems to have picked up a thing recently where it really loathes adults who watch/read children’s media. This then seemed to turn into hatred for autistics. (A lot of stuff does.) We tend to prefer simplistic media I feel.
I tie myself in knots every day wondering if I’m really autistic or if I’m just stupid. I actually googled “Why do autistic people love children’s media” and the general consensus seems to be that it’s “safe” and generally makes a world that isn’t accessible feel more accessible. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of it. Apparently autistic people are better at reading emotions in cartoons? Makes sense I guess.
I saw a post today of someone railing against, paraphrased, “people who have a rare and incurable disorder where they can’t understand human suffering unless it’s spoonfed to them through fiction.” Could’ve come right out of Autism Speaks, that one. We used to call “disorders” of all kinds “special needs.” I think my recent almost-diagnosis made me almost-officially Special Needs, which is a playground insult.
I love fiction. I think it’s important. I can’t concentrate on it anymore thanks to ADHD, I’ve lost countless worlds, but I love what I remember. I believe feeling compassion for stand-ins of real people helps you understand how to act around actual real people. (I don’t know how to act around actual real people, regardless of what I might feel.) Otherwise what’s the point?
I feel weird and sad about all this because once I hit 35, and once it became obvious I was not going to have children, I turned into the sad, fat, autistic, ADHD Fandom Adult with no prospects. I think I am more obviously Wrong now than when I was a teenager, which is really saying something. (I guess because I have more to lose.) But I would never, ever judge anyone for processing this world through their favourite shows or movies or games, same as I wouldn’t judge anyone for not being able to process simple words and concepts.
I’m autistic. I’m cringe. I have a disorder. I would’ve made such a better parent than those people.
Leicester’s most haunted building, allegedly. It’s certainly seen a lot of history.
I had (am having?) another mental health crisis and I know exactly why. I was on an antipsychotic drug, one I’m not sure I really needed, and I was casually told by the doctors that I could stop taking it soon as I ran out. So… oh my god, I went cold turkey on an antipsychotic and this could have been avoided so easily.
I’ve spent three days sobbing and I’m only just starting to come out of it, I think. I spent tonight watching Doctor Who and the Fallout trailer with Dave and I feel a bit better now. But the worst part has been all the hard and horrible thinking about what the future can possibly hold while I have this illness (not to mention all the other neuroatypicalities, which is a word I just invented, that I have.) I just feel a complete and utter mess right now. Who thinks it’s a good idea to tell a patient to stop taking an antipsychotic??
I have heard nothing but very exciting things about this game and how it portrays my favourite characters! I’M SO EXCITED and there will be SO MANY articles about it
Bee-lieve it or not my attempts at luring bees to our garden were actually successful! We have a WHOLE NEST of BEES!
They’re cellophane bees aka probably one of the best kinds of bees you can have! They don’t sting (unless really provoked) and they’re pollinators. They don’t make honey but they do make a sort of plastic-y substance that I hear scientists are looking into as a plastic substitute? Amazing! Well done, bees.
Since they’re in the front garden facing the street I put up a sign to let people know they won’t sting.
Here’s a little video of them in action!
I love them so much.
