Children’s things

Tumblr seems to have picked up a thing recently where it really loathes adults who watch/read children’s media. This then seemed to turn into hatred for autistics. (A lot of stuff does.) We tend to prefer simplistic media I feel.

I tie myself in knots every day wondering if I’m really autistic or if I’m just stupid. I actually googled “Why do autistic people love children’s media” and the general consensus seems to be that it’s “safe” and generally makes a world that isn’t accessible feel more accessible. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of it. Apparently autistic people are better at reading emotions in cartoons? Makes sense I guess.

I saw a post today of someone railing against, paraphrased, “people who have a rare and incurable disorder where they can’t understand human suffering unless it’s spoonfed to them through fiction.” Could’ve come right out of Autism Speaks, that one. We used to call “disorders” of all kinds “special needs.” I think my recent almost-diagnosis made me almost-officially Special Needs, which is a playground insult.

I love fiction. I think it’s important. I can’t concentrate on it anymore thanks to ADHD, I’ve lost countless worlds, but I love what I remember. I believe feeling compassion for stand-ins of real people helps you understand how to act around actual real people. (I don’t know how to act around actual real people, regardless of what I might feel.) Otherwise what’s the point?

I feel weird and sad about all this because once I hit 35, and once it became obvious I was not going to have children, I turned into the sad, fat, autistic, ADHD Fandom Adult with no prospects. I think I am more obviously Wrong now than when I was a teenager, which is really saying something. (I guess because I have more to lose.) But I would never, ever judge anyone for processing this world through their favourite shows or movies or games, same as I wouldn’t judge anyone for not being able to process simple words and concepts.

I’m autistic. I’m cringe. I have a disorder. I would’ve made such a better parent than those people.