the royals

Springtime for Diana

I’m a forever fan of The Producers and I can’t help but wonder if Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom had something to do with Diana: The Musical. Let me prove it to you with the following points:

-There is a whole number about Diana’s famous “fuck-you” dress, but no-one is allowed to say “fuck” so we get a whole song about a “feck-you” dress instead.

-“Camilla” is rhymed with “thriller” and “Manilla” and… “GODZILLA.” Yes really. They saw the opportunity and they took it.

-Meanwhile, “James Hewitt” (the man Diana famously had an affair with) is rhymed with “do it.”

-In fact, the James Hewitt song is almost completely about how hot and sexy he is. I suspect he’s the one who wrote it.

-There’s only one good song in this whole production and of course it’s the one which involves photographers singing about having a wank.

-Once married off to Charles, Diana gives birth to both William and Harry over the course of just one (very bad) song. I wonder if either of the princes have actually seen this and what the hell they must’ve thought.

-Diana describes herself at least once as “a kindergarten teacher” when Brits do not in fact use the word “kindergarten.”

-Both Elton John and Freddie Mercury get namechecked, unfortunately that just served to remind me of all the much better music I wasn’t listening to.

This modern-day Bialystock and Bloom picked the wrong script, the wrong actors, DEFINITELY the wrong point in time… Where did they go right? They didn’t. I BEG you to go watch this trainwreck.

Prince Philip

Turned on the TV around noon and got-

I was like, what happened?! Was there a terrorist attack? Did someone get assassinated?! So I turned over and turned out Prince Philip had died. Of natural causes.

(Also, wait, does the BBC actually own the Dave channel? Who knew.)

ANYWAY yeah, I’m surprised he didn’t make it to 100 but there’s not that much to say about a guy who lived by all accounts a very full life and died at 99. And, you know, he wasn’t exactly a great ambassador for the UK at the best of times. I wish the TV (it’s showing very little else except Prince Philip right now) would stop describing his racist comments as “gaffes” since that implies he didn’t mean to say them while he very much did.

That’s… pretty much all I got. Please enjoy this very bad photograph I took in 2014 of a moving car that had Prince Philip in it.

the markle debacle

The Meghan-Harry-Oprah interview hasn’t actually aired in the UK yet, there’s about an hour to go. But I know most of what was said via Twitter and news websites. I feel so sorry for both of them, mostly. That seems like a strange thing to think about people who have so much more money and power than me, but I’ve always thought of the royal family as being a glided cage. The rules and the ridiculousness of it all, you can’t expect a modern woman to put up with that, surely. She has to bow to her grandmother-in-law, she’s not allowed to wear nail varnish, and oh yeah every time she does something the Daily Mail hurls insults at her.

Anyway. You can’t argue at this point that Meghan’s treatment has nothing to do with race, though I note the media and Piers Morgan are trying their best. Morgan is now on the record as saying he doesn’t believe Meghan considered suicide which is just such an unfathomably shitty, dangerous thing to say to an audience of millions. That’s spurred me on to actually complain to ITV, believe it or not. You can do the same if you like-

I remember a comment I once saw on Instagram, a platform I do not use. Meghan and Harry posted a picture of Charlotte (pretty sure it was Charlotte) for one of her birthdays. Under it they wrote something generic like, “Happy birthday Charlotte! x” You know, the sort of thing most people would do for their niece who was a toddler. And people just, exploded in this bizarre rage that Harry and Meghan hadn’t addressed their aforementioned niece who was a toddler with her royal title. And I remember one of the comments on their Instagram then being directed soley at Meghan – not Harry, just her – and it said “That’s Your Royal Highness [when referring to Charlotte] to you.” Can you think of a more disgusting dogwhistle that Meghan wasn’t considered worthy of respect? Because whoever was writing that, Meghan was Your Royal Highness to them. Except, of course, apparently not.

Some recent trailers for stuff

I am so darkly amused by the fact that none of the Stand trailers so far have mentioned that the story takes place after a deadly pandemic. Maybe they oughta just lean into it at this point.

The Queen but mostly Princess Diana! Honestly I always had a lot of sympathy for Princess Di. She was just a messed up kid thrown into the royal family and expected to fend for herself while everyone treated her like shit. (Wonder if they’ll mention the quite significant age difference between her and Charles :/ )

Okay The Watch doesn’t look terrible as a show (I guess) but it very obviously has NOTHING to do with the Discworld series it’s based on. So why even bother? Ugggh. Rhianna Pratchett’s thoughts are also mine.

The Big Night In Blackadder bit

Since I posted the Doctor Who segement of The Big Night In I thought, let’s post the Blackadder bit as well. It… wasn’t actually much to do with Blackadder, and much more to do with Prince William, but what the hey. Also it led into the Clap for the NHS, which is obviously a political minefield of the “Fuck the Tories forever” variety right now but I still found it kinda touching. Hearing clapping on the TV and going out to hear more clapping, and even damn fireworks finally, it was… I don’t know. It was an experience.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Cut Off Four Major U.K. Tabloids in Unprecedented Letter —

“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have watched people they know — as well as complete strangers — have their lives completely pulled apart for no good reason,” the letter states

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Cut Off Four Major U.K. Tabloids in Unprecedented Letter —

Good. Destroy them and we’ll all be better off.

(I sound like Emperor Palpatine here but the statement still stands.)

A fairytale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Commoner from a far-off land, who was stuck with that label because inexplicably we’re still using it in the twenty-first century. She happened to catch the eye of a handsome prince and the two were married in a grand ceremony.

However, after the wedding a number of townspeople began to turn against the now princess, and started accusing her of bewitching the prince with her cunning feministic ways. Some of them were whipped into a frenzy by a particularly vile troll, who literally could not go a day without complaining that the princess wasn’t interested in him.

Eventually the prince and princess had a baby, and although the people of the kingdom offered congratulations, many of them were also quietly complaining that the princess was tainting the royal family with her foreign blood. Sometimes in those exact words, even.

So unsurprisingly, the prince and princess cut their losses and fled to Canada. The witch-burners got all confused and started looking around for another rich person of colour they could take their various inadequacies out on, and the vile troll pretty much just exploded in a cacophony of barely coherent rage. They all lived unhappily ever after.

The end.

Trans TV star India Willoughby calls Meghan Markle a ‘Poundland Diana’ and it seriously backfires

In what will likely be the biggest feud of 2020, British chain store Poundland has hit out at transgender television presenter India Willoughby for calling Meghan Markle a “Poundland Diana.” 576 more words

Trans TV star India Willoughby calls Meghan Markle a ‘Poundland Diana’ and it seriously backfires — PinkNews – Gay news, reviews and comment from the world’s most read lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans news service

I’m with Poundland on this one, because it’s offensive to Meghan in the same I’m-pretty-sure-this-is-racially-biased way everyone has been offensive to Meghan recently (why isn’t Kate called Poundland Diana? She shops cheaply too) and offensive to us plebeians who shop at Poundland (yo!) by implying it’s bad in some way.

But I’m actually legitimately impressed by Poundland’s response:

“Supportive of trans people” is a REALLY low bar for a company to step over, obviously, but I appreciate it.