This does of course make perfect sense! Prince Andrew is a creepy old man who was friends with Epstein and even as we speak there are rumors that he’s trying desperately to quash any news about potential rape cases.
Meghan, on the other hand? Meghan is a BLACK FEMINIST.
Sigh. (Don’t read the Express, it’s trash. So’s this country sometimes.)
I am DELIGHTED that we can start arresting very young children now! I have so many children I want to have the book thrown at. A bunch of kids rang my mother-in-law’s doorbell yesterday and ran off giggling, what can they be charged with? I feel it’s a really sensible and appropriate reaction to put children in handcuffs and subject them to the traumatising experience of being hauled off by police, you see.
Oh! And I used to live next door to an extremely loud, difficult child who once turned a garden hose on me. Only a few years have passed since then so he’s still a kid, small and easy to push around. Let’s get him!
Also I think I might have to retroactively turn myself in for theft, because when I was 12 or so I stole some sweets from a jar my mother kept in the kitchen, supposedly out of my reach, and kept doing so for a couple of months, taking one or two at a time so she wouldn’t notice. Sounds completely crazy, and probably is, but we gotta apply this system fairly I’m assuming.
Wait! This sort of Victorian-era ruthlessness is only for vulnerable black children? Oh okay then. I guess the doorbell-ringers and the garden-hosers will just have to grow up and out of it then, you know, like children are supposed to.