Small Steps
qui gon jinn
He bent over and stared at the floor, his heart racing as though he’d just fought a battle. He gulped down his panic, but he could not make it go away. Instead it rose in his throat again and again, choking him.
He heard footsteps approach him, then pause. He recognized Qui-Gon’s step.
No. Don’t let him see me this way.
He struggled to compose himself but the panic was too real. The fear squeezed his throat, cramped his muscles. He could not move.
He saw Qui-Gon’s boots stop in front of him. Then, to his surprise, the large man crouched next to him. His voice was close to his ear.
“It is all right, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said gently, “I understand.”
Obi-Wan shook his head. Qui-Gon could not possibly understand.
“Never fear your feelings, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said. “They can guide you if you control them.”
“I – I can’t,” Obi-Wan forced the words out. How he hated to admit his weakness to Qui-Gon! But he could not lie.
“Yes, you can,” Qui-Gon said with the same gentleness, “I know you can. You are a Jedi. You will focus. You will reach your calm center. Do not try to tamp down the fear. Do not let it grip you. If you let it move through you, it will leave you. Breathe.”
Obi-Wan breathed. A tiny part of the panic loosened its grip. He breathed again, and felt the fear rise. This time he did not battle it. He pictured it rising on his breath, leaving his body. His muscles loosened slightly
“We will rescue Bant,” Qui-Gon continued. “We will defeat Xanatos. We will bring him down.”
The panic was lessening. But not the shame.
“I hurt her.” The words were jerky, forced out on a hiccup of air. “I made her run away.”
“Ah.” Qui-Gon paused. “Did you send her to Xanatos? Speaking sharply to a friend is wrong, Obi-Wan. It is cause for an apology. But it is not cause to be responsible for what happens afterwards. Bant knows that. Her kidnapping is not your fault, and she would be the first to say so. She knows she should not use the water tunnels alone.”
Obi-Wan kept his eyes on the floor. He grabbed onto Qui-Gon’s calmness like a raft. He strove to find it within himself. He knew that Qui-Gon was frantic to find Bant, was full of anxiety to rid the temple of Xanatos. Yet Qui-Gon crouched next to him, perfectly willing to wait out his panic.
“You want to return to the Jedi,” Qui-Gon continued. “Now be a Jedi. This is the moment. This is exactly the moment when you must. The very worst time is the time you must follow the Code. Cast away you doubt. Let the Force flow through you.”
Obi-Wan lifted his head and met Qui-Gon’s steady gaze. Now he could feel the Force move between them, gather itself and surround them. He knew that together they could defeat Xanatos. He was able to cast doubt aside and believe.
Qui-Gon saw the change in his face. “Are you ready?”
Obi-Wan nodded.
Jedi Apprentice 07 – The Captive Temple, Jude Watson
@aimeecarignan asked about the part in JA when Qui-Gon talks Obi-Wan through a panic attack. In the context of what happens in the books before this, it’s a really poignant scene for their relationship.
[via ]
Do you know how I joined the Order? I’ve never forgotten. My mother asked Qui-Gon if he would take me away, if I would become a Jedi. He said yes, and that was all. My entire life, decided right then. I was nine years old. Qui-Gon said Jedi training was difficult. That it would be a hard life. I saw a magic man, with a sword made out of light and a starship. I was a slave, on a world made of dust. What was I going to say? NO?
Anakin Skywalker to Obi-Wan Kenobi (Obi-Wan & Anakin #04).
(via eagle1sky)
(via eagle1sky)
qui gon headcanon
if he’s trapped at a fancy dinner party somewhere with gross politicians? like imagine qui gon and a table full of really awful senators
he can effortlessly silence the entire table and kill the mood by talking about whatever atrocities he’s seen recently while on missions for the order
Awful Senator: blah blah blah lazy poor people, am i right???? oh, but master jinn, you must have some fascinating stories about life as a jedi!
qui gon: oh, yes, absolutely [launches into an explanation of the galaxy’s main child slavery and human trafficking markets, in excruciating detail, with stomach-turning examples of things he’s witnessed]
senators: [uncomfortable silence, no longer interested in eating tiny veggie and cheese hors d’oeuvres]
–
(full disclosure, this was 100% lifted from my dad, who has written books on 1) a serial killer 2) the death penalty and 3) children who died because their parents refused to get them medical care on religious grounds. many a well-intentioned “so what are you working on now?” has led to some really gruesome topics during cocktail hour)
well if this one is cheaper than the regular qui-gon (which is currently selling for £300+ on ebay) I will take it
The Jedi Apprentice books by someone who hasn’t read them
Qui-Gon: I didn’t understand why people liked their dumb Padawans so much until I got a dumb Padawan myself
*holds Baby Kenobi up in front of council*
Qui-Gon: I’ve only had Obi-Wan a day and a half, and already if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself
The most accurate summary of JA that has ever existed