A trip down memory lane
Looking back over old fanfiction that I still have on my hard drive, because I’ve never actually cleaned out my hard drive…
…it is fabulously bad. Worse than most fanfiction written by a thirteen-year-old girl bad. fanficrants bad. That bad. Oh look, I seem to be posting them here. Please mock.
Digimon: Miyako/Yolei has a crush on Ken and no sense of punctation:
“And,well,I’ll understand if you don’t want to,but,um,would you like to meet me in the park tomorrow morning? I..I hope you can guess who this message is from. If you can’t here’s my number.” Yolei listened
to the voice recite some numbers.
“So who is it?” Hawkmon asked
“It’s not Davis,it’s not TK,and it’s not Cody.”
“Izzy? You do like him,maybe he likes you too.”
“We’re just friends. Anyway,I know who it is,it’s Ken.”
“Really? How did you know? So you’re gonna meet him?”
“Of course!”
Yolei pretended to yawn. “I’m going to bed.”
“But it’s nowhere near your bedtime.”
“The sooner I go to bed,the sooner I’ll wake up next morning and the sooner I’ll be able to see Ken!”
June/Jun considers her life:
I only have two friends in the whole world. I do know some girls in my class,but they don’t hang out with me often. My first best friend is Jim. I met him ages and ages ago,at a concert. We always hung
out,and talked. Then I moved schools,and didn’t see him for a while. But then,amazingly,I saw him again. He’s grown really cute. I pretended to Davis that I didn’t really know him as well as I did. I don’t
know why. Perhaps it was because I was terrified that he’d tell Jim about Matt,and Jim wouldn’t like me. But anyway,we’re friends again. In fact,he’s coming over in a few minutes.
My other friend isn’t even around anymore. He died in a car crash,ages ago. I can still remember the fun times him and me and Jim had. Like theme parks and the cinema. I can still remember how I met him…
*Flashback*
He was a genius,and everyone liked him. Once he stayed in the detention room,to clean up. And I happened to be the only one there. (for not handing in my homework four days in a row.) Anyway,I was
whistling casully,and he rolled his eyes.
“Would you please stop whistling?”
“But I don’t want to.”
“Well,I want to.”
“I’ll tell the teacher if you don’t!”
“Go ahead. My name’s Jun Motomiya and I’m in year four.”
“Are you Davis Motomiya’s sister? I remember seeing him play football.”
“Yeah.”
“Right.”
“Hey,did anyone tell you you’re sort of cute?” I asked
Things get romantic:
“Oh,Matt,I love you!”
“I love you too.”
“They make such a cute couple!”
“I’ll get a picture of this!”
“Hey Tai,what’s up? You look a little…down.”
Tai sighed. He couldn’t stand it anymore. Matt and Sora’s wedding. His two best friends. Everyone thought he’d be so happy. But he just wasn’t. He wasn’t needed by his friends anymore….and he’d always
been needed.
“It’s just not fair…” he thought to himself.
Sora chatted to Mimi about fashion designing. Tai remembered this was the same girl who he’d played football with. The girl who disliked fashion. They’d all changed so much.
“We’ve all changed too much.” Tai thought to himself. “Sora and Matt grew apart from me,and closer to each other…”
Sweet little Sora reveals her true nature, possibly
“Give me your dinner money!”
“No way! Why do you always have to be so mean to everyone? All the time you are!”
“Gimme it!” The younger Sora reached out her hand,and snatched the younger girl’s wallet. She tipped out 20p. “Man,are you so poor you don’t even have a quid?” She reached inside the wallet,and took out
a photo.
“Give me that back!” the girl sobbed. “It’s a picture of my dad.”
“Oh,really?” Sora picked it up,and threw it into a bush. The girl ran to retrive it.
“I’m telling miss of you,Sora!” she cried.
“I’m scared!”
I believe this particular one actually warned for OOC:
“Tai!” I called in the Digital World. “Tai! Being mad at Ken and me won’t help.”
Matt showed up. He ran to Tai. “It’s okay,I heard what happened. You okay,man?”
Davis,Yolei,Kari and their Digimon were next. I looked at Yolei. She nodded,and opened her mouth about to say something,then Joe,TK,Izzy and Mimi came out and fell on them.
“Ouch…”
Then Cody showed up. Tai told them all very quickly exactly what was going on,all that I hadn’t said.
“And I’m going to destroy you!” Tai screamed at Ken. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Tai,screaming isn’t going to do anything.”
Cody looked around nerveously. So did Yolei. She didn’t want to fight…
“Tai.” Ken gulped. “I’m sorry…”
“Well that’s no use!” Tai ran at him and rugby tackled him to the ground. He lashed out,while Ken was too scared to move.
Me,Yolei and Davis ran at him and pulled him off. “Tai Kamiya,get a hold of yourself!” Yolei yelled.
“Tai,calm down!” Davis said. I stared at my best friend,then jumped forward and pulled Tai away.
Some Pokemon visit my school, in script format. Again, thirteen years old…
ME: *has come down after them* What’re you all doing down there?! It’s lunch time!
*a little while later,we are sitting in the dining hall*
TRACEY: *exmaines his food* Rubbery pizza,ice cold chips,mushy peas,tasteless sponge and lumpy custard.
ASH: Yeah,great isn’t it?
BROCK: If I didn’t know better,I’d swear that the cheese on this pizza was my yellow rubber melted down.
ME: *chewing the pizza* Hurry up an’ eat,englissh nest…
No excuse really, is there?
Eloise Midgen was a Hufflepuff, y’know:
Eloise Midgen was a Hufflepuff girl. She had Hufflepuff friends,like Susan Bones and Catherine Whitby. She hung around in the Hufflepuff common room,and slept in her Hufflepuff dorm.
She was not a unusual girl,despite being a witch. She looked perfectly normal-light brown hair,blueish eyes,and incredibly annoying acne. She’d once tried to curse it off,with disasterous results. Her nose was
still off-centre,giving her another thing to be self-consious about.
And today,she thought,had been a really rotten day.
In 2001 I wrote something stupid called ‘The Harry Potter Epilogue”. Wow. Believe it or not, I was slightly wrong in my predictions:
Harry
I’m not telling…
Ron
Ron went evil,nearly killed Harry and Hermione and became Voldemort’s best friend. Except he didn’t.
Hermione
Hermione failed all her exams,couldn’t join the ministrey and was depressed for the rest of her life. Just kidding…
Hagrid
Hagrid sold rocket parts to various countrys,using bits of Blast-Ended Skrewt.
Sirius
Sirius got his name cleared,took Harry to live with him,and knocked down Azkaban *crosses fingers*
Lupin
Is cured of being a werewolf *also crosses fingers*
Dumbledore
Dumbledore became evil,tried to kill everybody and joined the Death Eaters. Then again,maybe not…
The Twins
They started Weasely’s Wizard Wheezes,and it’s going well,except the shop explodes a lot.
The Troll
Got a part in a low-budget horror movie
Fluffy
Fluffy met a pink three-headed dog and they had some three-headed puppies.
Voldemort
Voldemort…ummm…I’ll leave it up to you!
Wormtail
Wormtail went on a mission for Voldemort,and accidently got eaten by Sirius when he was living in a cave. All together now: ‘Yayy…”
The Sorting Hat
Met a beautiful sun hat,got married and became a solicitor.
Rita Skeeter
Rita Skeeter met her worst enemy…bug spray.
Snape
Snape forgot all about potions and opened Simply Snape’s School Of Super-Duper Flower Arranging and Ballet Dancing
Draco
Draco became a world-famous pop-star. He also dyed his hair red,and decided to join Gryffindor because death-eating wasn’t for him. (He was also yelled at by everyone when he made fun of the name)
Trelawny,Parvati and Lavender
Opened up their own fortune-telling Muggle hotline. It was closed when little kids became tramatised because of Trelawny predicting their horrible deaths,having them kicking the bucket in various different
ways,including drowing,beheading,hanging,stabbing,jumping into firery bottomless pits,etc.etc.
The Durselys
Were labelled by the neighbours as ‘the abnormal lot’. They were so shocked,horrified,depressed and mad,that they spent the rest of their life in St Mungo’s Hospital For Magical Maladies.
(It was meant to be a joke. An unfunny one.)
I think that’s all I and everyone else can take for today.
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