Me on a Tauntaun
It’s been a long and exhausting few months. Here’s me on a Tauntaun.
me
final acts
I just published the last chapter today of something I’ve been working on since 2021. It was a Spider-Man fanfiction called The Final Act. No doubt it’s laughable and (sigh) cringe, because it’s fanfiction, but I took it so seriously, and I loved it so much.
It’s not really about Spider-Man at all, of course. It’s about me, and what it was like to come of age in the early ’00s. That author’s note about the ’00s being a different world but “some things were the same though” is the slash across the heart of the story. Does that matter to anyone? I don’t think I’ll ever write anything as good again.
Questions I already know the answer to
I have seen this Roger Ebert quote being passed around Twitter in the past few days, making fun of people.
Extreme fandom may serve as a security blanket for the socially inept, who use its extreme structure as a substitute for social skills. If you are Luke Skywalker and she is Princess Leia, you already know what to say to each other, which is so much safer than having to ad-lib it. Your fannish obsession is your beard. If you know absolutely all the trivia about your cubbyhole of pop culture, it saves you from having to know anything about anything else. That’s why it’s excruciatingly boring to talk to such people: They’re always asking you questions they know the answer to.
And it drives me mad because he’s describing autism! What he is condemning is the thing that I, painfully obviously, am! I have read reactions to this quote on Twitter and Reddit and while some people are not impressed, plenty more commented things along the lines of “Yeah, you tell those autists.” (God, I hate that word.) I watched a documentary today about autism that touched on obsessive behaviour and special interests so I suppose it’s on my mind. Why does everyone mock instead of help people with bad social skills? Why don’t they accept it when they find something (in some cases, fandom) that does help?
If you are Luke Skywalker and she is Princess Leia, then you have found a sibling. What’s wrong with that?
Comic-Con Leicester
Comic-Con season is here! Absolutely DELIGHTED to inform you that Dave won third place in the costume contest for his Venom puppet!
I on the other hand was a Vault Dweller, accidentally getting in some viral marketing for the Fallout TV show.
Children’s things
Tumblr seems to have picked up a thing recently where it really loathes adults who watch/read children’s media. This then seemed to turn into hatred for autistics. (A lot of stuff does.) We tend to prefer simplistic media I feel.
I tie myself in knots every day wondering if I’m really autistic or if I’m just stupid. I actually googled “Why do autistic people love children’s media” and the general consensus seems to be that it’s “safe” and generally makes a world that isn’t accessible feel more accessible. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of it. Apparently autistic people are better at reading emotions in cartoons? Makes sense I guess.
I saw a post today of someone railing against, paraphrased, “people who have a rare and incurable disorder where they can’t understand human suffering unless it’s spoonfed to them through fiction.” Could’ve come right out of Autism Speaks, that one. We used to call “disorders” of all kinds “special needs.” I think my recent almost-diagnosis made me almost-officially Special Needs, which is a playground insult.
I love fiction. I think it’s important. I can’t concentrate on it anymore thanks to ADHD, I’ve lost countless worlds, but I love what I remember. I believe feeling compassion for stand-ins of real people helps you understand how to act around actual real people. (I don’t know how to act around actual real people, regardless of what I might feel.) Otherwise what’s the point?
I feel weird and sad about all this because once I hit 35, and once it became obvious I was not going to have children, I turned into the sad, fat, autistic, ADHD Fandom Adult with no prospects. I think I am more obviously Wrong now than when I was a teenager, which is really saying something. (I guess because I have more to lose.) But I would never, ever judge anyone for processing this world through their favourite shows or movies or games, same as I wouldn’t judge anyone for not being able to process simple words and concepts.
I’m autistic. I’m cringe. I have a disorder. I would’ve made such a better parent than those people.
The ’tism
Words an actual medical professional said to me yesterday: “I am amazed you haven’t been tested for autism yet.”
I’m relieved, but I also left the room wondering if I should have showed her my meticulously tagged, special-interest-laden screencap gallery. Or this blog.
Re-meeting my old Barbies (and honorary Barbies)
Today my parents dropped a box of my old Barbies, and associated dolls and paraphernalia, off at my house! I was DELIGHTED, because I never expected to see any of them again!
They, their Barbie Travelin’ House Playset, and all their various accessories are in, ur… relatively good condition? Let me introduce you to them!
(more…)a barbie girl in a barbie world
I saw “Barbie” last night! (Wearing pink, of course.)
It’s a beautifully made and absolutely fascinating movie that I hope is dissected for years to come. I am mildly disappointed it didn’t feature my all-time favourite Barbie, though, the Jewel Hair Mermaid Barbie I had as a kid! Sadly no pictures exist of me with her but here’s what she looked like. I was OBSESSED with her golden tail.
The other fun thing was seeing all these reviews posted on the review board at the cinema! Said cinema was the Phoenix in Leicester and I love it, and I think more cinemas should have a review board.
(There’s a few for Oppenheimer in there as well!)
BritSciFi con pics
I have thank god now recovered from my most recent bout of mental illness. Somehow, in the middle of it, I was able to drag myself to BritSciFi con at Leicester’s National Space Center and meet some people I’d always wanted to meet. Chief among them being Danny John-Jules:
We also got to talk to him a little and he sang part of the “Da-Doo” song he sings in Little Shop of Horrors. (Yes he was a background singer/dancer in that movie before landing Red Dwarf!)
We also got to talk to Peter Davison, David Bradley, and Norman Lovett, all of whom were lovely and humble. (Lovett said he didn’t even expect anyone to turn up for him, aww.) I asked Peter Davison if he was definitely going to be in Good Omens season 2 and he said yes, but under a lot of makeup so he might not be recognizable!
Here’s the autographs I got from them:
I also met some Daleks who were trundling about the place. The National Space Center did a really good job with this con!
