If someone ever decides to add a song featuring Tholomyès to Les Mis it should be to the tune of the Thenardiers’ “Waltz of Treachery” … that’s the part where they sing, “what to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? …”
[THOLOMYES and his friends BLACHEVILLE, LISTOLIER and FAMEUIL discuss what to do with the mistresses they plan to abandon, while FANTINE waits in the cafe oblivious.]
THOLOMYES
What to do? What to say?
There simply isn’t, another way-
Barely had – a taste of life-
Thinks she’d make me a suitable wife!
No, not me
Have no doubt
Once they’ve got their claws in there’s no getting out!
It’s for the best, don’t we know,
Those lovely ladies- they come and they go!
LISTOLIER
Poor Fantine, so naive-
THOLOMYES
Come, she hasn’t the spirit to grieve!
Come on boys, let’s go home,
They’ll be glad there to see us alone
[takes a letter from his pocket]
We’ve had it now, our boyhood fun
We’ll leave and there’s been no harm done!
[He gives a letter to a waiter who gives it to Fantine. She reads it with her expression growing more and more distraught as the men leave, continuing the song.]
BLACHEVELLE
Ah, my friend, one thing more-
I-I just want to see if you’re sure–
That baby girl you rocked to sleep-
[spoken] Should you not pay for her upkeep?
[THOLOMYES pauses for one long, silent moment, then laughs. When he sings again, it’s to the tune of ‘Lovely Ladies’, fast and angry-]
THOLOMYES
Oh my, Blacheville, taken for a fool-
You’ve seen the child, you must know, she isn’t mine at all
Little brat, some little rat, taken from some house
You must know all women know the way to trap a spouse!
Come on, let’s go, I can’t take any more-
She always seemed so innocent…but I’ll bet that she’s a whore!
[The men hurry away. Fantine cries in the cafe.]