#if you ask I will write a whole goddamn essay on Boromir #and why his death means more to us as we get older *whispers* babe I want the essay


Why must you always enable me I love it never stop. So. Wow. Where to even start. I rant through my tears about how much I love Boromir every time I watch Lord of the Rings, which I do about once a year with @captainofthefallen. Every time I watch it, his death means more to me, hits me harder, and I think that’s because the older we get, the more we identify with Boromir.

Here’s the thing. In all honesty, as a kid (I first read LotR when I was eleven, first watched the films at that age as well), I wasn’t too fond of Boromir. Oh I liked him all right, he was fine I suppose, but I didn’t connect with him. I was angry when he tried to take the One Ring from Frodo, and I cried a little at his death because death is sad and I was a kid, but it didn’t devastate me.

Because as a kid? I wanted to be Aragorn. The reluctant king who rises up and does the right thing, always. The guy who gets the amazing (be still my bi heart) Arwen, the Evenstar, fairest of the elves. The guy who literally kicks ass. The man who is noble, honorable, thoughtful, good with his words, humble, knows the burdens of leadership, who stands up and says there will be a day when the courage of men fails, but this is not that day.

I wanted to be the hero.

I noticed this trend among my peers growing up. We all loved Aragorn and wanted to be him. Boromir was sort of dismissed.

But then a funny thing happened, called getting older.

I got older, and I fucked up.

I got older, and depression hit.

I got older, and the weight of societal expectations, of being an older sibling, of adult responsibilities, of legacy, of family secrets, of family history, all settled on my shoulders.

I got older, and I learned that men are not always honorable, or kind, or humble, or the leaders they should be. And I learned how hard and desperate it is to continue to believe in the strength of men.

I got older, and I learned how temptation comes for us all, in different forms, and how we hurt people without meaning to, and how sometimes for all our regret and tears and apologies, we cannot mend what we broke.

I got older, and I leaned what it is to be forced into a role I didn’t want, to feel I’d hit a dead end, to struggle against those who had different views, to feel like people could look into my heart and see the anger and fear that I tried so hard to hide.

I got older, and I realized: I’m Boromir.

We’re all Boromir.

Tolkien was very deliberate with his characters. They aren’t just characters, flawed and wonderful though they might be. They also each represent something very specific. Aragorn represents the Ideal. The hero that we all can be, the hero that we should strive to be, the vision of mankind as we are supposed to be, if only we can let ourselves shed our hubris and our doubts. Aragorn represents who we should be.

Boromir represents who we are.

Flawed, frustrated, burdened, tempted, struggling, setback, good intentioned, afraid, angry, kindhearted, noble, loyal, and painfully, beautifully human.

Boromir went to the Council of Elrond reluctantly. He shouldn’t have gone. Boromir is a war leader, as we learn after his death. He successfully fought for and defended Gondor from Mordor for years. That’s where he belongs. Faramir is the quiet one, the diplomat, the “wizard’s pupil,” the soft-spoken and patient one. Note that even in the film version, which shows a differently characterized Faramir than in the books (Tolkien heavily based Faramir on himself), Faramir only wants the One Ring in order to give it to his father and win his father’s pride and affection–he doesn’t want it for himself.

If Faramir had been at the Council and Boromir had stayed in Gondor, everything would have gone differently, and possibly for the better.

But the Steward of Fuckwits aka Boromir and Faramir’s father decides he wants Boromir to go, to represent their family, because Boromir is the son he values and is the “face” of Gondor. So Boromir sets aside what he wants, and he goes. And the whole time he feels out of place, feels like a fish out of water, feels second to Aragorn, feels lost, feels terrified his city will fall while he is gone, feels like the race of Men is being mocked and looked down on as weak.

How many of us as we grow up are stuck like that? We can’t fix our family (although we try), we can’t fix our broken country (although we try), we can’t get rid of the doubts and fears that whisper to us (although we try), and we can’t stop feeling like we’re constantly second best, constantly failing, looked down on, especially the millennial generation.

(Given what’s happening in the world right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tolkien found himself surprisingly similar in outlook and feeling to our generation. But that’s another topic.)

And of course that’s the key. Boromir–darling, frustrated, stuck, fatally flawed Boromir–is so very relatable because he tries. He tries to teach Merry and Pippin to protect themselves and then tries to save them and dies for it. He tries to convince Aragorn (who at that point is more elf than man in his outlook) that there is no reason to give up on his people, their people–and he succeeds in that, although he dies before he gets to see it. He tries to make his father proud. He tries to apologize when he fucks up. He tries and he fails, and he tries and he succeeds. And the most important things he does, the biggest seeds he plants, he never sees them flower.

Like my God, the man’s last words are I failed. I failed you, I failed Frodo, I tried to take the Ring. I’m sorry, I failed. That hits me so goddamn hard in my mid20s and it’ll hit me even harder when I’m older, I’m sure. How many times have we said that to people? “I tried to help him.” “I tried to reach out.” “I tried to apologize.” “I tried to stop them.” “I tried so hard.” I tried, I tried, I tried. For the job, for the friend, for everything, I tried.

And I failed.

I have a laundry list of things I tried and failed at, and God, do they hurt. Sometimes it was something out of my control, sometimes it was my own behavior. And that scene with Boromir, the flawed man, staring up at Aragorn, the ideal hero, and begging him, begging him, “save them, they took the little ones, find Frodo,” begging him for forgiveness, apologizing for his failures?

Talk about a fucking metaphor.

We make our ideals in literature so that we have something to look up to and strive for, for others to strive for. Boromir falls prey to the ring, but Aragorn does not. You did what I could not. Of course Aragorn did. He’s the ideal. And we beg our ideals to be better so they can show us the way and hopefully, maybe, someday, we can be like them.

I had so many heroes growing up, real and literary. Sara from A Little Princess. Aragorn. Lucy from Narnia. Nancy Drew. Harry Potter. And so many times I would look at myself in the mirror and cry because I knew, I knew if I stood in front of them they would be disappointed in me. I knew I wasn’t being the person I could be. I tried, I failed, I tried, I failed, but my God I swear, I tried.

As a kid or even a teenager, we still see mainly who we want to be. Our ideal. And I hope that we never lose sight of that. I love Aragorn and my God am I going to keep trying to be like him, and like all of my other literary heroes. We need those heroes, we need them so badly, and the darker the world gets the brighter we have to make them shine.

As an adult, though–as an adult, we start to see not only who we want to be, but who we are, and who we could’ve been, and how we failed to be, and the paths not taken and the paths that were lost. And that’s important too. Because Boromir died convinced he was a failure. Convinced he was, truly, the weakness we find in men.

And he was… but he wasn’t.

Without Boromir, Aragorn wouldn’t know what happened to Merry and Pippin or where they went. Without Boromir, Aragorn would’ve had no hope in the race of men. Without Boromir, who would have carried the hobbits up the cold mountain, or taught them how to fight, or said give them a moment, for pity’s sake! Who would have defended Gondor for so long, or loved his brother with a ferocity that Denethor’s abuse couldn’t knock loose, and inspired that brother to keep fighting even as the light faded and the night grew cold and long?

Aragorn carries Boromir’s bracers throughout the rest of the trilogy, right up to his coronation, where he is still wearing them as he is made King. Because Boromir might not have seen it–we might not see it–but we tried and we failed but we didn’t fail at everything. Lives are made brighter for our presence. The world is better for our gifts and our convictions. And no fight, even a fight lost, is done in vain.

The remains of the Fellowship ride to Gondor not just because it’s the Right Thing to Do, but because it is the city of their fallen brother, it’s Boromir’s home, the home that above all he gave everything to defend. Boromir doesn’t want the Ring for power, he wants it so his home will be safe, his family will be safe, and God who can’t relate to that, as we grow older and we see our families and friends attacked and scarred, as we have children and want them out of harm’s way. Who wouldn’t be tempted to seize the chance to keep them safe?

I see so much of myself in Boromir. And I take hope. I take inspiration. I cheer through my tears as he is hit again and again with arrows and each time he gets back up on his feet and grits his teeth and you can see him thinking not today. As a child I thought Boromir was selfish but as an adult I hear him use his last breath to apologize to Aragorn and call him his brother and his king and I see he’s more selfless than he ever gave himself credit for being. Boromir sees only his faults, but we can see what he doesn’t, we see his positive impact and we see his virtues, too.

Because as an adult I’ve failed, and I want to believe that like Boromir, I’ve also succeeded, I’ve also been more than just my faults–even if I can’t see that yet.

Aragorn is who we should be. But Boromir is who we are.

And my God, we should be proud of that. Because Boromir is a damn good person to be.

This is perfect.

thiswaycomessomethingwicked — gondor will see it done


So the question of time again: how long can a kingdom remain a kingdom if it is king-less? A long time.

Decades, centuries. Boundaries and demarcations of ownership may ebb and flow with the natural tides of victory and defeat, interest and disinterest, growth and regression, but the unified body of Kingdom remains.

Boromir one time said, So long as everyone agrees that it ought to. He had been fifteen and was promptly rebuked by Mithrandir. 

And Mithrandir was right, the idea of a future hope keeps Gondor trudging onward in a bizarre fusion of movement and stasis. There is no time for this. 

Boromir has met the heir of Isildur. What a thing. Marvels upon marvels. He wishes to vomit into a finely sculpted bush. He puts this down to the food not agreeing with him. 

His father never spoke of the heirs of Isildur because there was no reason to speak of the heirs of Isildur. If they remained, they were no more and no less than the rest of us who are descended from the Dunedain therefore why should we give special credence to them? Special licence to those who shy away from duty and hide in the north. 

This heir of Isildur, whom the Elves and Mithrandir put special import upon, has a sword. It is broken. It is to be reforged before they set out. Boromir doesn’t say, I have more swords broken in the line of duty than fingers on a hand. 

What is a sword? 

Faramir would put meaning to it but Boromir can’t haul himself over that ledge just yet. He thinks, Oh yes, fine, the man has a sword and the man is tall with a commanding air, when he decides to put one. I know men like him. Indeed, I can be such a man when I want to. But I don’t go around dredging up the past so sand roils in surf making everything unclear.

thiswaycomessomethingwicked: So the question of time again: how long can a kingdom remain a kingdom… — gondor will see it done

Man I love it when I come across little fics like this.

ophelie-letanneur:Finally ! This is my version of the fellowship… — The Heroines of Middle-Earth


Finally ! This is my version of the fellowship of the ring ( and Arwen :B ), I’ve tried to not be influenced by the movie but as per the Tolkien’s story. Hope you like it :D

ophelie-letanneur:Finally ! This is my version of the fellowship… — The Heroines of Middle-Earth

This is great and I love it.

Finally finished screencapping and uploading The Two Towers

I do love screencapping because it gives you a chance to really catch all the little details and acting moments. Like this, look, this is where Boromir sees Faramir for (unbeknownst to either of them) the last time:

And, having never really taken it in before, I’m STILL SAD ABOUT IT. Goddammit, Sean Bean, why did you have to be such an amazing actor in a series already full of amazing actors?!

(By the way, the screencaps gallery is here.)

Fanfiction I need to write

Recently the fanfic floodgates really opened, and that’s great! But I can’t for the life of me bring myself to really write anything, and that’s… less great.

Story ideas that have been fluttering around for either a few weeks now, OR a few years and I just re-thought of them:

#1 Lord of the Rings: Eowyn dealing with impending motherhood. Based on some of the things she says in the book that story sounds so fascinating (since we know she had at least one child) how she reconciles her past with becoming a parent. Plus I always loved how she and Faramir named their son after Boromir, Elboron. How’d they come to that decision (since Eowyn wasn’t exactly short of dead people she could name a kid after either?) I just, aaaah, there’s even actually one whole paragraph from this story that I wrote ages ago, no more than one, lurking back in the archives somewhere. So at least there’s that.

#2 Another LOTR one. Boromir only manages to tell Aragorn that he tried to take the One Ring from Frodo, but did Merry and Pippin ever find that out? Did it change their perceptions of him? (It’s occurred to me I might be able to combine this story idea with the previous one. Ya never know I guess.)

#3 Now we’re in Star Wars territory. I so badly want to write about That One Moment from Rise of Skywalker where all the Jedi call out to Rey. I loved that so, so much. Unfortunately, how to do it is more of a question. I have like, one page so far.

LOTR tag-question meme

Seen and borrowed from Mary and the Words! As you can tell I’ve been on a Middle Earth/LOTR fandom kick recently SO…

(This will have a slight movie bent, sorry!)

Middle Earth:Hobbit or Lord of the Rings?

Oh, Lord of the Rings. When I first saw the first movie, it blew my young mind completely. Then I got ahold of the books and they blew my mind too. I didn’t read The Hobbit until later alas.

Fellowship: Favorite Hobbit movie

I’ve always been a little torn on the Hobbit movies because as much as I do like them, Martin Freeman as a person gets on my last nerve and they’re a wee bit overstuffed with completely unnecessary things. (cough love triangle cough) But if I had to pick a fave it would be The Battle of the Five Armies. Yeah, it’s a bit all-over-the-place but I can’t help but love its earnestness.

Ring: Favorite Lotr movie / book

Oh, Fellowship of the Ring, hands down. It was the thing that introduced me to the world of Middle Earth, after all. And as a movie it is just stunningly gorgeous.

Bilbo: Favorite character

Hmmm, TECHNICALLY it’s Boromir but I can see there’s a “favourite fellowship member” question further down so for this one I’m gonna say: Eowyn. My god I loved her so much when I was a kid. Now I’m an adult I can see she’s quite a complex and flawed character which makes her even better.

Dor Guldur: Least favorite character

I actually find it hard to pick a least favourite character because they all have their place in the story BUT… oh it’s totally Wormtongue. That slimy little asshole.

Gundabad: Favorite “evil” character

Oh Saruman, easily. He’s evil but he’s such a great character, y’know? A true magnificent bastard. Plus, a snappy dresser.

Also, he’s played by Christopher Lee. I miss Christopher Lee.

The Shire: Favorite place

Hobbiton! I dream of one day getting to go to the Hobbiton set in New Zealand. It’s green and full of nature, the houses are cosy, there are impressive firework displays every so often and lots of hobbits live there. (…in the movie/book, not in New Zealand.) It’s perfect.

Rivendell: Favorite species (hobbit, dwarves, elves..)

I love them all but I guess I should stand up for, ur, my own species and say men.

…and women.

Misty Mountains: Do you have a favorite quote from the movies/books?

Yes! And it’s this:

“The world is full enough of hurts and mischances without wars to multiply them.”

Very timely, isn’t it. :(

Mirkwood: Would you rather be an elf, hobbit, mankind, dwarf, wizard?

Ah well, I think given the choice most people would be hobbits, wouldn’t they? I already have hair on my toes so I’m halfway there. (Gross, sorry.)

Gondolin: Favorite Durin’s son

I like all of the Incredibly Hot Dwarves. Ultimately, though, gotta be Thorin. Poor Thorin. (Also, man, did Richard Armitage put in one hell of a performance as him.)

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. But, sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell.

Ah, that could be another contender for favourite quote actually.

The Nine: Favorite fellowship member

Near-empty religious studies classroom circa 2001:

Person #1: “Who’s hotter, Aragorn or Legolas?”

Person #2: “Boromir!”

Person #1: “Boromir’s an asshole!”

Me (internally): “What movie were you watching?!”

So, him.

(Stupid arrows!)

Sindarin: Favorite weapon

Legolas’s Bow of the Galadhrim. Look at it go!

Minas Tirith: Do you own any Lotr/Hobbit merchandise? 

YES! Except… I kinda lost a lot of it over the years. For example, I got an awesome Gollum figure back when I bought the Two Towers DVD Special Edition, and now I still have the box it came in but NO GOLLUM. Where is he?!

Gig-Galad: Would you have changed something from the movie? 

I would! There really ought to have been a more diverse cast, for one. (The Hobbit trilogy did at least attempt more racial diversity among the extras, but that was about it.) And take out the silly Kili-Tauriel-Legolas love triangle, I cannot name a single person I’ve ever met who liked it. Heck, even some of the people involved in it didn’t like it.

Minas Morgul: Gandalf or Saruman?

Gandalf. Sure he’s an old grouch but isn’t that what really makes a wizard? He’s wonderfully snarky at times too:

“I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-maker, Saruman of Many Colours!”

I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours, and if he moved they shimmered and changed hue so that the eye was bewildered.

“I liked white better,” I said.


And there ya go!

Things I noticed when screencapping Fellowship of the Ring

Recently I screencapped the whole dang (three-hour!) movie from a Blu-ray version of the film and while sorting the screencaps I noticed some delightful little details. To wit:

When Isildur takes the Ring, for one brief second there’s this shot of his reflection looking back at him from it. It’s kinda weird and unsettling, which is obviously very appropriate.

You can get a glimpse of Arwen’s stunt double during the river scene.

Boromir is a total manspreader.

Everyone’s nails in this film are so fantastically dirty and gross (especially yours, Frodo.)

Legolas having to physically hold some other Elves back from… beating up the Dwarves? during the Council of Elrond is sort of funny to me, but also a great character detail.

I frickin love the Argonath scene (I used to have this poster on my wall) and I especially love that there are birds nesting in one of their eyes.

At a couple of points during the Amon Hen battle scene you can very clearly see Merry and Pippin’s smaller stunt doubles.

Aragorn taking Boromir’s vambraces at the end is very touching when you spot it, but it amuses me that the film just breezes past him actually taking them off the body and what exact explanation he gave, beyond possibly “I wanna keep this dead guy’s stuff. As a tribute to him, obviously.”

MAN I love this movie.