thunderbirds 2004

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FINAL THOUGHTS

The 2004 Thunderbirds is an okay kids movie, a terrible adaptation and a vast wealth of untapped potential, because I’m positive that there’s actually a quite good Thunderbirds film in there somewhere. I mean, it has the basics (family, brothers, cool machines, technology…)

I’ve heard a lot about what a mess the production was and that’s probably why it went so wrong, and *winces* the fact that it was so Americanized probably didn’t help. Despite most of the original characters being American the show always had this sort of stiff-upper-lip Britishness to it that the movie completely failed to catch. Plus, too much focus on the younger/aged-down characters.  I heard that the film was only greenlit after the success of Spy Kids, which is very obvious. And completely the wrong direction to go in!

Argggh, you could make such a good live-action Thunderbirds if you went in a MCU-style family-friendly-sometimes-perilous-but-still-optimistic route. But I bet due to the failure of this one, no-one’s ever going to try it again. Humph.

Anyway, 5* has now stopped showing Thunderbirds and is now back to shows about how awful poor people are, so that’s my cue to leave.

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And now, we’ve reached the end!

-What the heck was the deal with TinTin’s magic crystal necklace that is apparently the source of her powers, did the movie actually get around to explaining that

-Happy Mildly Objectified Men In Swimshorts Sunday!

-I appreciate the inclusion of a female US President

-OH MY GOD NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE BUSTED/MCFLY/MCBUSTED/WHOEVER THEME SONG, OH DEAR

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Nearly at the end:

-London doesn’t have a monorail! (You know, just in case anyone wondered)

-I love London but I also love seeing it destroyed in movies

-Jeff 4/5 of your kids nearly died, maybe take them to a hospital or something first

-Vanessa Hudgens is wearing flares, now that dates this movie like nothing else

-Penelope had time to change, wash and flawlessly arrange her hair before confronting the Big Bad! Well done!

-The Dead Mom conversation! Man I wish at least one of the other Thunderbirds adaptations would make even a fleeting reference to Lucille

-At last, Bill Paxton gets to do some Acting

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And moooore:

-I strongly suspect that the older Tracys were cast more on their ability to look good shirtless than their ability to act (at least back then; I know at least a couple of them went onto other things)

-”He’s a kid!” “He’s a Tracy!” is arguably the only good line in this movie, or at least the only good one that remotely relates to the original show

-Hey, all this time and they’ve avoided making any sort of reference to Penelope’s/Sophia Myles’s breasts…oh, wait, never mind.

-Sophia Myles, Ron Cook and Bill Paxton continue to be the only actors who look like they’re actually having any fun whatsoever in this movie

-That one in-joke with the puppet strings is quite good

-HEY IT’S THE LONDON EYE AREA I HAVE BEEN THERE HI AREA

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And yet more:

-Lady P’s wardrobe in this film is great. That’s one thing I really miss in the 2015 series actually

-Ugh the bits where Black Books lady is trying to make out with tied-up Brains are really gross and unnecessary

-HEY LOOK IT’S A CLOSEUP OF THE FORD LOGO JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHO’S SPONSORING THIS MOVIE

-Buried in this movie, and related via Brains’s kid, is actually a good message for kids who stutter! So it’s nice that that’s in there

-You know for a movie called Thunderbirds the Thunderbirds (as in, the machines) really aren’t in it much at all

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And more:

-The first scene between Alan and the Hood is actually quite good, not least because finally it involves actual acting

-I forgot to mention that the musical score is rather good too

-The gunge and the sliding about and stuff makes the first half of this film pretty much just Thunderbirds: The Theme Park Ride! Which, er….might have even been what they were going for. (Hey, I’d love a Thunderbirds theme park ride)

-Henchperson #2 (I can’t remember his name, if he even has one) is really such a racist stereotype it disconcerts me hugely

-Is the Hood-Jeff backstory from the Thunderbirds comics? I can’t remember, but I think at least some variation of it is

-Dear god they really went all out with the Ford product placement, it’s so distracting

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More:

-Hey, it’s Bernard’s Summer Girl from Black Books, sporting a massive pair of false teeth because sadly the only reason she’s there is to be a running joke about unattractive women

-The Hood’s other henchman also appears to be somewhat of a stereotype, this time a racist one

-Between this and the new series, John is definitely the most bashed-around Tracy

-Ben Kingsley still thinks he’s in Thunderbirds: The Gritty Reboot

–According to my parents-in-law who are also watching, the guy who played Kyrano is now in Emmerdale

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So far:

-Everything involving the child actors is mostly terrible (more the dialogue than the acting)

-Bill Paxton and Sophia Myles are still perfect spot-on casting

-Hey, this is the only version of Thunderbirds to feature Kyrano’s wife and TinTin/Kayo/Tanusha’s mother! Who appears to be the cook

-(I’m so glad the modern reboot managed to erase the Sixties racism that had every single POC as a servant or a villain.)

-Did I mention the dialogue was terrible?

-Ben Kingsley seems to think he’s in a different film altogether