Everyone is saying that the professor is grinding the Pokémon into candy, but consider the following:
• The professor frantically running around with assistants, inspecting hundreds of thousands of pidgeys a day, getting bitten and screeched at while they try to figure out if this pidgey has been tagged yet so they release them back to track their migration
• Panicked interns trying to scoop the ekanses back into their tank because theyre freaking out the rattatas
• Three caterpies climbed into a vent and evolved into metapods that are too far in to reach so six underpaid college students are trying to dismantle ductwork
• Theres a big door marked “KEEP OUT” because a dozen oddish evolved into a squad of Vileplumes and until they stop releasing stun spores the entire room is just off limits
• Hundreds of researchers running on red bull and determination trying to tag and examine all the Pokemon but having to turn off the machine every once in a while to the discontent of trainers who are all getting a “Sorry, the servers are currently down” message at LEAST twice a day
• “GPS not found” flashes while returning a big group and suddenly Florida has been gifted 6,000 mankeys right in the middle of Epcot
• Someone in the back room up to their waist in stale dog treats with a bunch of little stamps. They sigh deeply at how gullible Pokemon trainers are that they think these things actually do anything other than excite the Pokemon so much they evolve
• Actual science professor surrounded by chaos and interns and a budget just too small
Fourteen year-old Padmé Naberrie sews a FUCKTON of Hutt-money into the lining of Sabé’s robe before they escape the blockade, buys Shmi and Anakin and lifts Watto up three tax brackets, FREES Shmi and Anakin, and then “accidentally” handcuffs Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan before the big final battle with Darth Maul. Oh, and DEFINITELY does not suggest any vote of no-confidence at ANY point.
“Skywalker is too old to be trained,” someone on the Council starts to re-insist after all the fuss is over, and Qui-Gon is just about to snap back at them when–
“DIBS,” Padmé yells, bursting into the Council room past helpless Jedi guards who could not have stopped her if she’d been handcuffed and blindfolded, not for any-damn-thing. “FUCKING DIBS HE’S MINE NOW MY CITIZEN WELCOME TO NABOO ANI HERE IS A LIST OF BUSINESSES THAT WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER WORK FOR THEM AND A LIST OF SCHOOLS THAT WILL GIVE YOU A FULL RIDE ALSO LET’S HAVE TEA ONCE A MONTH AND I WILL FIND YOU THE GRAYEST GRAY-ASS JEDI TO TEACH YOU ANY DAMN THING YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE FORCE ON THE SIDE. THEY’RE STILL A KIND OF JEDI SO IT STILL COUNTS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND DOES THAT SOUND GOOD? GREAT.”
Meanwhile, the handmaidens are busy planning a Supreme assassination. They did not require an explanation; obviously the queen knows what she’s doing. Maybe she’ll be Supreme Chancellor next?
You know how your cat always seems to stare off into space? Turns all they’ve been looking at Pokemon all this time. Only now has Niantic given us the technology to see them, too.
my third grade teacher said i would never amount to anything but i got a 1750cp vaporeon controlling the gym at my old school that he teaches at so i guess i proved him right
