Having OCD is sort of weird because it’s like…I never know for certain what I’m really thinking. Take religion. I’m an agnostic, but I was brought up Christian…I went to a school with crucifixes in the classroom, said prayers before bedtime, that sort of thing. It was the nice kind of religion (no damning or ranting going on), and I don’t really know if my religious upbringing had anything to do with my future mental illnesses, but these days there’s a voice telling me to be careful not to offend God. Even though I don’t technically believe in him. It doesn’t really make sense, you see? Some days I don’t like to say “Oh my God,” in case it counts as blasphemy, and so on. Or touch…even just brush against…any books lying around that criticise religion.
I haven’t really posted much the past few months, and this is mostly because I discovered I have OCD. This was triggered by various events, a few of which are mentioned in this journal, and came accompanied with a heavy dose of depression. At Christmas it was horrible, but thankfully now, with help from my lovely boyfriend, I’m starting to feel better. I’ve been on antidepressants, therapy and the like, and now that I feel better I’m freaking out that I might have neglected all my friends and made everyone think I’m a complete weirdo. Which I am. But still…that’s why I haven’t been around much. I will attempt to make it up soon, although I’m also going on holiday for a week on Saturday. So expect this journal to suddenly be a flurry of activity the week after that…
So yes. It’s been an interesting time. At my worst I was sitting on a bed doing literally nothing, and I’m seriously relieved I’m not doing that anymore.
*hugs to the flist, who helped keep me entertained when miserable*