Start out perfect and don’t change a thing. Always accentuate your best features by pointing at them. And conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who has the audacity to mention them.
Never too old to learn from the Muppets.
And this:
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” – Miss Piggy
GOBLIN WEEK NO.4: Two teeny tiny bobbin-goblins, or ‘Globobblins’, who have founded a brand new teeny tiny goblin kingdom out of someone’s sewing supply. The kingdom is growing very quickly, it currently has, oh, Two members! Observe their ceremonial Yarn-Armour (‘Yarmour’) and expressions of perpetual surprise. They are married, and they will stick pins in your legs if you annoy them. Defi-‘Knit’-ly my favourite gobbos
You are the greatest archeologist in the world and you have been looking for the City of Gold for decades, after all these years you have found the City. When you open the ancient gates you see glitters running towards you, the “gold” of the city has always been thousands of Golden Retrievers.
I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them
Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?
Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens
Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.
So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish
yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable
