He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.
just let me explain to you what I just realized that fucks me up even more in
this scene – it’s Yondu’s expression and what the tale it tells.
Yondu doesn’t want to die.
someone might say, because usually nobody really wants to die, especially not a cruel death like suffocating or
freezing as Yondu does. But it’s not that what I mean.
I mean that Yondu, who
has lost everything – his ship, his crew and friends, his “family” whom he
disappointed – he would have all the reason to say “I’m gonna die now, I have nothing left to live for anyway” and just
accept his death, probably even feel
There is no
guilt in death, no longing for what he has lost. It could be seen as a relief.
But look at
Yondu. He is close to crying and that’s
not something we have ever seen from him. He doesn’t want to die, he hasn’t
given up on life – and honestly, that makes sense, because Yondu has been
through quite a lot of shit and he’s always moved on – he doesn’t have a death
He wants to
live and continue on, perhaps because that’s all he has ever done, perhaps
because he actually knows that he has people left who are worth living for
(Peter, Kraglin, Rocket) or perhaps because he realizes that he doesn’t have
enough time left now to say what he wanted to say but never did.
whatever reason, Yondu wants to live.
And despite that, he sacrifices his own life so he can save Peter.
his sacrifice so much more powerful, and the relief and pride and love on his
expression when he looks at Peter even more prominent and important. One second, Yondu is breaking and wavering, close to tears, because he is gonna
die and he knows it.
But when he looks at Peter, realizes He
will live, I will die so that my boy can live and that is okay in his
Peter is worth it to him.
throw away his life that he doesn’t want anymore – he sacrifices his life
despite wanting to live so he can save someone he loves.
fucks me up even more now.
But this ties into probably one of my favourite Yondu conversations on this site, which is the idea that exile from the Ravagers = exile from the Ravager afterlife as well. (”You’ll never hear the horns of freedom when you die…”) So he doesn’t want to die because he knows that’s it, he screwed up too much to get into the version of heaven he believes in, so there’s not an awful lot of options for after his death, which is frightening and unpleasant enough on its own-
– but, like you said, Peter’s still worth it to him.
Aah I’m glad this post is going round again cos it makes me internally sob EVERY TIME. And also I have one more thought!
The music in this scene is something else – listen to it! it’s called ‘Dad’! – and I’m obsessed with it. It’s so beautiful. And I noticed, during Yondu’s death scene, as he freezes over and dies you can hear horns in the music in the background.
So I guess he got those horns of freedom after all! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go cry some more.