I have a real diary, you know- I’ve had it since about 1999. That one is about my life (and the occasional fangirl moment) and this one is pretty much purely for fandom, and because in general I love the LiveJournal community and want to be part of it.
But…I don’t know. Real life occasionally slips into this journal, because there’s just no way it couldn’t- and I’m always so worried that people will find out what I’m really like and hate me for it. I know I’m not alone in that, but you know…even though it’s your own journal, it’s all people see of you and that’s how they’ll judge you. If I make some stupid mistake on LiveJournal I won’t really be able to change it, will I? Or I don’t think so.
Today my dad lost his job.
I feel pretty stupid whining about it, because I’m sitting here typing this on a reasonably good laptop, listening to the digital radio and wearing a t-shirt I got from my Paris holiday. I have no right whatsoever to complain. But my dad getting that job- it was a very good job- was one of the few lucky things that ever happened to us. And now it’s gone. Here’s the stuff I save for my real life journal: my mother has MS- she’s in a wheelchair and is tired a lot and she’d hate it if she knew I was telling you this. That’s why my dad can’t get another job- he has to look after her almost all the time. His now ex-boss allowed him to work from home, and because the office was just across town it wasn’t really a problem. There’s a one in a million chance of him getting another job exactly like that.
One of my younger brothers has Asperger’s syndrome, and the bastards in his class like to pick on him. He told me today that the kids in his German class were pushing him off his chair, treating him like a dog and taking pictures of it on their mobiles. I hate it. It makes me so fucking livid.
There we go- I just went over to FictionAlley for a minute, to see the GOF discussion, because people were in the room- and now I feel better.
I still have my own job, still am doing A-levels, still taking driving lessons, still have friends. I still have a future- I always had one- I’m just scared of screwing it up.
…I dunno if I should cut this. I will if anyone asks me.