brooklyn99problemsbutyouaintone:
Sometimes I’m just existing and some random b99 quotes just come to my mind and I spend hours reciting them
Today’s was: Also, how weird are forks?
mine: let me see that bra!
“I know the Papa John.”
“Someone is lying to you.”
“I mean, I was ‘detained’ once by Taylor Swift’s security team, but that was a misunderstanding. She’s probably going to write a song about me.”
“NAME THE PIGEON, RAYMOND!”
“And I love selling drugs. It was my dream job!”
“Lucky for us, I’ve recently come to a lot of wolf urine.”
“Noice. Smort.”
“I brought you hazeeeelnuuut!”
“suck it Chase you dirty little hippy!”
“cocaAAAAAAaaaiiineeee”
“I’ve been gone one week. Jake and Amy are dating and they’ve killed a person”
“…and slammed six free mimosas on the first class flight home. SANS THE JUICE!”
“Sexy train is leavin’ the station. Check out this caboose! Later, sluts.”
“It’s not that weird to say ‘May I have some cocaine?’“
“Let’s BREAK IN to the FBI”
“I would rather drink gingerale, Rosa. Honestly! GINGERALE!”
“jam on, jam oooon”
“We’re d-d-driving in a CAR”
“Destination: drug dealers BAR”
“Pass the mic right over to CHARLES
…we forgot Charles”
“Pfff, good one, Captain. You can’t wash a car.”