There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.
I’ve been part of this fandom for more than three years and I’m still patiently waiting for the day when someone going “companions used to be normal and acted like human beings, and that’s why people could actually relate to them” doesn’t feel like a punch to the gut.
Amy is basically the person I want to be. I just don’t have her sassy attitude. But I like that about her, and I like that about other people. I am attracted to people who are mouthy and brave and adventurous.
Oh boy it’s been far too long since I’ve talked about Amy’s abandonment issues.
This right here, Amy’s tendency to push people away as soon as they get close to her, explicitly insulting them and herself for caring, is what always gets me. Even now, looking at this gifset, I get uncomfortable, because that’s me. As someone with abandonment issues, I work to keep people at a safe distance with sarcastic insults and somewhat standoffish behavior until I feel I can trust them. Amy does the same thing. Amy wants Rory to care for her, and she wants the Doctor to care for her, but the second she allows them to care for her, the second she lets them in, it’s all over. Her armor’s down and they can hurt her.
Compare the first and second scenes. In the first scene, Rory is clearly trying to care for Amy, and she’s negating him. She’s saying “no, you don’t actually care that much; you can’t.” Her insult doesn’t come from a place of disgust, rather one of disbelief. She honestly doesn’t want to accept that Rory could care enough about her wellbeing to worry about her disappearance, and when she’s confronted with that care, she rejects it. She has to, because if she accepts that Rory cares for her safety, that he loves her, then she has to let him in. She has to let him past her walls and be vulnerable around him. She has to put him in a position where he can abandon her if he wanted to.
Forget that he never would. Forget the fact that he wears his love for Amy on his sleeve. These things aren’t rational. That’s shown so evidently in the second gif. Amy’s insulting herself for wanting someone to care for her. She’s shutting herself down for considering that someone would want to look after her. Amy’s most critical of herself, and this is one of her weakest points. She so desperately wants someone to prove that she matters, but when they do she can’t believe it. She has to keep her sarcasm. She has to stay strong. Because what if she let the Doctor in and he rejected her? What if he asked her to say and he told her she was clingy? That would be the end. That would break her beyond repair.
So she builds these walls around herself to stop herself from what she views as surefire destruction. She’d rather crumble internally than let someone else take her down. She may be hurting, she may need help, and she may want so badly to find someone safe enough to let in, but no way in hell will she come off as clingy.
This isn’t really a dashboard coincidence as such, but it made me think about River applying those words to Amy just as Leia applied them to Padme, and now I’m sad
Hello, old friend. And here we are, you and me, on the last page. By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well and were very happy. And, above all else, know that we will love you always. Sometimes I do worry about you, though. I think, once we’re gone, you won’t be coming back here for a while and you might be alone, which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope.
Go to her. Tell her a story. Tell her that, if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to sea and fight pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait 2,000 years to keep her safe.
Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived and save a whale in outer space.
Tell her this is the story of Amelia Pond – and this is how it ends.
