Springtime for Diana

I’m a forever fan of The Producers and I can’t help but wonder if Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom had something to do with Diana: The Musical. Let me prove it to you with the following points:

-There is a whole number about Diana’s famous “fuck-you” dress, but no-one is allowed to say “fuck” so we get a whole song about a “feck-you” dress instead.

-“Camilla” is rhymed with “thriller” and “Manilla” and… “GODZILLA.” Yes really. They saw the opportunity and they took it.

-Meanwhile, “James Hewitt” (the man Diana famously had an affair with) is rhymed with “do it.”

-In fact, the James Hewitt song is almost completely about how hot and sexy he is. I suspect he’s the one who wrote it.

-There’s only one good song in this whole production and of course it’s the one which involves photographers singing about having a wank.

-Once married off to Charles, Diana gives birth to both William and Harry over the course of just one (very bad) song. I wonder if either of the princes have actually seen this and what the hell they must’ve thought.

-Diana describes herself at least once as “a kindergarten teacher” when Brits do not in fact use the word “kindergarten.”

-Both Elton John and Freddie Mercury get namechecked, unfortunately that just served to remind me of all the much better music I wasn’t listening to.

This modern-day Bialystock and Bloom picked the wrong script, the wrong actors, DEFINITELY the wrong point in time… Where did they go right? They didn’t. I BEG you to go watch this trainwreck.