I wish more foods were named in the same vein as “I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter!”
You’ve Got To Be Pulling My Leg, THIS Is Ranch?!
Shut The Fuck Up, Are You Telling Me This Shit Is Ketchup??
I Firmly Believe This Is Not Mustard And I Am Horribly Wrong
I Refused To Believe That This Condiment Was Barbecue Sauce, And I Have Been Summarily Flayed For My Apostasy
I Assigned Negligible Probability To This Being Chili Sauce And Have Since Updated
In Which Your Humble Narrator Assumed That The Substance Within This Container Was Not Worchestershire Sauce Only To Be Rudely Awakened From This Delusion By Mysterious Circumstances
So I Figured This Was Jam But Boy Howdy Was I Jumping To Some Erroneous Goddamn Conclusions
Fuck Me, It’s Marmalade
Jesus Fucking Christ This Is Not Cocktail Sauce
Pull the Other One, It’s Teriyaki
In the Face of Incontrovertible Evidence, I Nevertheless Maintain That This Is Definitely Not Mayonnaise
There Is No Way This Stuff Is Vegemite