‘Maybe She’ll Be Attractive Later,’ Say Citizens
WASHINGTON—Expressing profound confusion and distress at what they were witnessing, the U.S. populace was unable to discern why an unattractive woman was suddenly on screen in front of them, sources reported Thursday.
Americans across the country said they struggled to comprehend what was happening when, with no warning at all, the woman who was not conventionally attractive appeared on screen and remained there. Astonished citizens told reporters that, despite carefully scrutinizing the woman, they could find nothing whatsoever alluring about her, and could only speculate that she might very soon receive a makeover or even radical plastic surgery to become attractive.
“I was just watching TV, and all of a sudden it was like, ‘Wait, what? Who is this? Why is this happening?’” said 34-year-old financial planner Frank Ramos, who was among the millions of Americans who believed there might be something wrong with their televisions when the woman first appeared. “Maybe she’s got some sort of illness and will be pretty once she recovers from it? Oh, I bet she’s a beautiful woman in disguise. She’s probably going to take off her wig and put on a sexy dress in a minute.”
“Huh, weird,” continued Ramos. “She’s still there.”