kind of insane that i keep seeing stuff like “dating an abuser” or “married to an abuser” on callout posts for celebrities, especially young women. like…. your instinct is to call them out for this? you’re not worried that they’re being abused themseves? ok
???????????
what only being able to conceive of human relationships through the lens of moral decisions and callout posts does to a mf i guess
as someone who was in an abusive relationship for four years i cannot express to you how many self proclaimed progressives just straight up consider themselves morally superior to me when i tell them i was abused. because they think it could never happen to them, they’re too smart, too strong, too perceptive, they’d never let it happen to them. they think i saw the red flags right away and just chose to keep dating him, when in actuality people like him hide those red flags and introduce them slowly to see how far they can push your boundaries. toward the end of the relationship, i knew i was being abused. i said it out loud. i said it to my best friend, who responded “when you’re ready to leave, i’ll be here”. but when i tried to talk to other progressive people about what i was going through, their response was always something along the lines of either “what did you expect when you chose to date a man?” or “and you’re choosing to stay with him?????” or even “you staying with him even though you know he’s a Bad Abusive Person means you’re clearly a Bad Abusive Person too.” it made it SO much harder to actually leave because that messaging paired with my abuser telling me i’d never find anyone else who would “put up with” me had me believing that being abused was what i deserved. because i’d chosen to date a man, because i’d chosen to date someone who wasn’t a good person, because i’d chosen to be abused. every day i hope the people who said those things to me never have to find out firsthand that no one is immune to manipulation and abuse. no amount of wokeness or moral purity will save you. the only thing that will save you is compassion and community.
this is such a horrendous dogshit mindset, so much of emotional abuse is about cutting off outside support, I’d either be dead or as good as if i hadn’t had the like two whole people who knew what was going on & were still there for me
Back in the mid-10s I saw a post titled “Kylie Jenner is problematic” and one of the Problematic Things listed was “dated Tyga while she was underage.”
