The Lion King: Comparing the Meerkats

(This is a really funny title if you’re familiar with UK television)

So apparently there’s going to be a sequel to the CGI remake of The Lion King! And that just served to remind me… how much I bloody hate the CGI remake of The Lion King. Apart from the music, it’s just so soulless. A bunch of dead-eyed computer-generated lions retreading the original with nothing new to say.

But the other reason I hate it is because of Timon!

See, Timon has character in the original animated film. He’s comic relief, yeah, but he has personality beyond that. He delivers what was my favourite line in the original movie:

Nala: {Quoting young Simba} Danger? Ha! I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha…

Timon: I see nothing funny about this…

Simba: Timon? Pumbaa? What are you doing here?

Pumbaa: {Bowing on one foreleg} At your service, my liege.

Timon: Uh. We’re going to fight your uncle… for this?

Simba: Yes, Timon; this is my home.

Timon: Eeh! Talk about your fixer-upper! Well, Simba, if it’s important to you, we’re with you to the end.

I love that scene! It’s my favourite! It’s funny but it’s also very touching, it shows how much these characters really mean to each other. And in the CGI remake version there’s so little of that.

Simba: What about the meaningless line of indifference?

Pumbaa: Well, we were thinking… maybe it curves a little bit.

Timon: That’s a good point. I mean, Simba, look, I’m happy to admit when Pumbaa’s wrong, and this is one of those instances.

Pumbaa: What? That wasn’t my thing. You told me about the line.

Timon: Wait, hold on. Now, this is the place you’re fighting for?

Simba: Yes, Timon. This is my home.

Pumbaa: Is it behind that terrifying rock?

Timon: Talk about your fixer-upper. I like what you’ve done with it, although a bit heavy on the carcass.

Pumbaa: Hey, hey, look. A bird.

Simba: Timon, Pumbaa, this is Zazu.

Timon: Oh, wow. It’s a puffin.

Zazu: Charming. Simba, we are with you until the end.

See? SEE? It’s just quipping. (Over the years I’ve come to hate scenes which are just quipping.) Timon’s statement of undying loyalty is given to Zazu instead. The poor lil meerkat is reduced to a joke machine and nothing more.

That’s not the only reason I dislike the movie, obviously, but it’s probably the main one. Also I should make it clear I like real meerkats! They’re cute and they have that thing going on where they take turns to sleep. But a talking “real” meerkat is just weird and unappealing. I’m sorry.

Annnnd that’s why I’m not really interested in a sequel.