i deserve unrestricted access to old churches and castles i want to know all the secrets

i work in a castle and have unrestricted access and let me tell you sometimes knowing all the secrets……is worse

please share with us the secrets

what you guys want then, huh? You want royal family gossip? You wanna hear about the Duchess of York sneaking her lover into her room through a secret door? Or do you want the gross shit, like the skull stuck on the pike on top of the keep which nobody really knows how it got there but maintenance says it’s too high up to get down? Or the fact we tell kids the skeleton in the store room is ‘just a dummy’ but in reality nobody can break the grate without collapsing the wall? 

Ya’ll wanna hear about the G H O S T D O G????? 

I in fact want to hear all of those like way too much for it to be healthy