DR STRANGE: And now, the six saddened superheroes of Infinity War in their rendition of “The Cell Block Thanos.”
[Drumbeat]
THOR: Axe-
TONY: Blood-
OKOYE: Splat-
GROOT: I am Groot!
GAMORA: Guardians-
WANDA: Vision-
ALL: He has it coming! He has it coming! He only has himself to blame! And since you’ve been there, and since you’ve seen it, I bet that you wanna do the same!
THOR: You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Loki. Loki liked to fake his own death. Seriously? Dude. So we’re escaping the ruins of Asgard, and Thanos kills half our people and I’m really freaking out, and then Loki does the noble thing for once in his life. Not faking! Dying! So I say to Thanos, “I’ll kill you for what you’ve done.” And I get my axe from Nidavellir and I make one warning blow… into his heart.
ALL: He has it coming! He has it coming! He only has himself to blame!
TONY: I met Peter Parker about two years ago and he was a superhero and we hit it off right away. Kid tags along on the spaceship even though I told him not to, pulls some great moves, saves some people. And then I saw him die at Thanos’s hand. “I don’t want to go” he told me. He’s going, my ass! Once the Time Stone business is sorted, I’m gonna beat Thanos into the ground even harder than before. You know, some guys just can’t hold their blood in.
ALL: He has it coming! He has it coming! He took a franchise in its
prime! He got the Gauntlet! He overwrought it! It’ll be murder but not a
crime!OKOYE: Now, I’m standing in Wakanda following the commands of my King, minding my own business, when in storms a hundred aliens in a murderous rage. “You’re all gonna die!” they say. They were crazy. And they kept screaming “You’re all gonna die!” And then they ran into my spear. They ran into my spear ten times.
ALL:
And since you’ve been there, and since you’ve seen it, I bet that you wanna do the same!GROOT: I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot I am Groot I am Groot. I am Grooooooot.
THOR: Yeah, but are you all dead permanently?
GROOT: We…are…Groot.
ALL: [slower] He has it coming….
GAMORA: My sister Nebula and I grew up together as Thanos’s daughters. But I ran away and joined the Guardians of the Galaxy. There’s six of us, me, Peter, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Mantis, maybe Nebula’s the seventh, who knows. But I was determined to stop Thanos finding the Infinity Stones, by any means necessary. I go with him to Vormir and I burst out laughing when it turns out he has to kill someone he loves to get the Soul Stone. I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out, I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I noticed the blood on the ground, I even knew I was dead.
ALL: He has it coming! He has it coming! He’s had it coming all along! That purple dickhead! He soon will be dead! How could you tell us that we were wrong?
WANDA: I loved my Vision more than I can possibly say. He had the Mind Stone in his head. Sensitive. A robot. But Thanos was trying to find him, he was constantly trying to find him and along the way he found the Space, Soul, Reality, Power, and Time stones. In the end I lost my love on the battlefield of Wakanda. I saw him as alive… and Thanos saw him dead!
ALL: We’re feeling glum, glum, glum, glum…
….He has it coming! He has it coming! He took a franchise in its
prime! He got the Gauntlet! He overwrought it! It’ll be murder but not a
crime! He has it coming! He has it coming! He’s had it coming all along! Cos if he used us!? And he abused us?! How could you tell us that we were wrong?![Fade out]