Filed under: yikes, get a new girlfriend, doubleyikes
A classic example of what abusive behavior in women can look like. This isn’t cute or sweet or just for anyone’s own good, this is controlling.
Young gents (and wlw and nb folks interested in ladies), if your girlfriend or prospective girlfriend presents you a list like this (especially in writing), you crumple that shit up, drop it at her feet, remind her that you are not property, and walk away.
This shit isn’t funny or cute when a man does it to a woman; do not tolerate it just because it’s coming from a woman.
Hhhholy Shit.
“You are not to get mad at me ever again.”
Something my own abuser said to me.
Other things that seem ‘normal’ when women do them, but are actually abusive:
- controlling clothing choice, especially in insulting (’that looks so ugly’) or guilting (’you’re embarrassing me’) ways
- pressuring someone into sexual activity, including sexual touching without warning, especially trying to be ‘cute’ about ignoring a no
- performing actions with an intent to induce reciprocation or create a debt, such as saying ‘I love you’, performing sex acts, giving gifts
- befriending someone’s friends and family, becoming very close with them, and then influencing their thoughts about that person
- feigned helplessness
- refusing to communicate, including silent treatment and ‘you know what you did’ (not the same as a cooling off period or needing time alone)
- trick questions intended to elicit a reason to be mad (similar to setting an impossible task, though that one’s more common for men to do)
- subtly insulting someone’s hobbies, interests, behaviors, opinions, etc.
And remember: some people will do these things to their friends as well, not just their romantic/sexual partners.
reblogging for the wonderful added commentary