unpopular opinion time but the rhetoric painting all men as abusive and/or disgusting was a major factor in keeping me in the closet for years after i knew i was a trans man, because i was living in fear that the second i accepted my manhood, i would become that abusive and disgusting person.
there’s a big difference between separating cis and trans men because cis men are “real men” and trans men are “other” and recognizing that trans men have a different relationship with manhood and masculinity than cis men when they’re younger, closeted, and later pre-transition (or if they choose not to transition). ignoring the fact that trans men were raised differently than cis men ignores reality. we were force-fed the same misogyny as women, and despite the fact that it was misdirected that still affects us. i have many “feminine” mannerisms left over from before i realized i was trans, and later, when i was masquerading as female due to the constraints of my environment.
this isn’t to say that trans men will always experience misdirected misogyny or that this makes us “lesser men”, but when making blanket statements about men it’s important to remember that not all men are cishet white men. it’s not radical to call black men abusive or rapists; it’s perpetuating a dangerous stereotype. in the same way, these statements tell trans men that their experiences are identical to that of cis men, when that’s a ridiculous claim. we have different experiences, and they’re both the experiences of men, but they still have profound effects on who we are and how we interact with masculinity.
the trans male community suffers from a misogyny problem just like any other male community, and exempting us from rhetoric regarding misogyny is wrong. however, there’s a way to do it without forcing us deeper into the closet with toxicity. the male experience is varied, and men can be privileged as men and oppressed in other aspects. stop acting like the male experience is exclusive to those that are in the most privileged of positions.