fandoms: ommhhhg,,,, I just drew,,, my m/m ship holdfing hands??? FUCK IM SUCH A GAY SINNER IM GOING TO H E L L
gay guys who have deeply internalized homophobia and fear they are deviant because of religion: *sharp intake of breath* you do you, yaoi-inthe-tardis69
other gay guys who have deeply internalized homophobia and fear they are deviant because of religion, but cope with it through humour and self-deprecation: ommhhhg,,,, I just drew,,, my m/m ship holdfing hands??? FUCK IM SUCH A GAY SINNER IM GOING TO H E L L
*gives you a CEO power-stare from across my mahogany office desk*
Okay, let me explain. That gay guy I mentioned was me.
I grew up in an extremely homophobic, cult-like religion. Leaving the cult meant I was an ‘apostate’- basically the worst thing you could be, damned to Outer Darkness ™, the whole shebang. In order to cope, I decided, “you want me to be a monster? I’ll be a monster. I’ll be decadent and depraved. I’ll drink tea and write about gay people and dress like Jareth and you can’t stop me.*”
And yes, that includes being OVERDRAMATIC about how SINFUL I was for being gay and how SINFUL my GAY SHIPS were. I don’t do that anymore because I’m mostly over it, but I really went hard with it for a while. And it helped. Acknowledging that I was a monster, so what, was liberating- and it was the first step to realising I wasn’t actually a monster.
It’s a bit like this music video – warning for flashing lights- which was made by a queer guy who left the same religion, btw. You’re taking back the crown. You’re taking their definition of you, and turning it against them.
So- yes. It’s mildly annoying when straight girls do it, but this is often an issue of competing access needs. You need to not see stuff that implies being Gay is Bad. But past me needed to express myself in that way.
Does that make sense?
*yes, I know. my cult’s definition of what was BAD was… extensive.