more ‘news’. people have nothing better to do anymore
You know, as a feminist who is getting married this year, this has actually been something I’ve been thinking about a lot.
Like, on one hand, there are practical reasons for spouses to want to have the same name, sure.
But on the other hand, it is hugely inconvenient. It takes time and money, it can impact your eligibility to vote if you don’t get your ID updated fast enough. And like, symbolically, you are really changing a fundamental part of how you present yourself to the world- what family you are a part of.
And when all of that always traditionally falls on women all the time, and not on men…
It’s something to consider. It’s an issue that deserves some thought.
As another feminist getting married this year, this is absolutely a sexist double standard.
It’s massively disruptive to change your surname, people (women) do it because it’s a tradition (rooted in undeniably sexist history), and as a woman marrying a man you’re caught between doing something disruptive and inconvenient or fielding questions and nasty comments literally for the rest of your life. Which is a thing men don’t have to deal with. Women have to deal with something socially awkward and unpleasant by virtue of being women and men don’t by virtue of being men = sexism. My mother didn’t change her name on getting married because she didn’t see why she should have to, especially because she had established a career under her name and it would be very inconvenient to have a Masters and papers published under a name and then change it. And literally her whole life it’s been pointed comments; “Mrs. Myfathersname [sneer]” and “are your children adopted?” and “oh well I thought _my_ family was more important than my career [condescending smile]”. From sexist people, some of them otherwise lovely, but just they thought that she should do something that no one ever asked or expected of my father, just because he is a man and she’s not.
Like it’s fine if a person wants to change their name. Go nuts. Change your name to your spouse’s. Your mother’s. A artist-formerly-known-as symbol. You do you, brides. But the tradition and the pressure is sexist. It just is.
Like the way it’s totally fine and nice and lovely if an individual person wants to stay home and mind their own children, but it’s sexist to _expect_ it of women and be taken aback when it’s a man, and it’s dishonest to pretend like there isn’t pressure and or deny that a lot people will go along with the norm just because it’s a norm. And people do expect women to change their name. And they are taken aback if a man does. And there is pressure. And people do go along with the norm just because it’s a norm. Absolutely. And that is sexist. Not like “people who do this are sexist and awful” but like “this is coming from a sexist tradition when women were much less valued, and it is an unfair pressure on women, so it is an expression of sexism in our society”.
Agree with all of this. I have a friend who, when she married her husband, they decided that they would BOTH change their names – hers was Smith, and his was Barnwell – and they are now the Smithwells. I love that idea. Surname mash-ups should totally be the rule.
Also, when men do change their name to their wife’s name after marriage, once people get over the initial shock reaction they often congratulate those men like they performed an extra special trick at the dog show. My cousin’s husband took her name and people keep telling him what a great and noble thing he did, “giving up his name” like that. But apparently your name is only valuable if you’re male.