Let’s start with “The Miller’s Tale,” a story of rim jobs and anal torture.
The tale involves an affair between a student named Nicholas and the married woman he is boarding with, Alison. A local parish clerk, Absalom (who is also obsessed with Alison), decides to come to her window the same night she and Nicholas are enjoying medieval boning. Absalom stands outside her house, begging for a kiss. She acquiesces and sticks her ass out the window for a smooch – which he delivers.
Absalom can’t see her butt in the dark of night, but he realizes he’s been tricked into making out with her bum-hole. How does he know? Because he felt her pubic hair on his chin and realized that women don’t have beards. That’s in the text, by the way.
Absalom is so enraged that he grabs a flaming hot poker and returns to the window. This time, it’s Nicholas who sticks his bum out the window, and Absalom shoves the poker right up there. Right. Up. There.
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One of my finest moments in college was starring in a production of the Miller’s Tale. For the record, we used an umbrella to stand in for the red hot poker and we all kept our clothes on, but it was still quite something. Also, the class it was for was was taught by a nun.
Ohhh, I remember The Miller’s Tale. Isn’t there also a bit where she farts in his face?