I really, really, really appreciate the sentiment behind the Doctor’s “Fear is a superpower” speech, but I always wonder if he got it wrong…

My anxiety really affects me badly these days. I’ll just state all this in as boring a matter as possible so I can avoid thinking about it: I’m so terrified of people dying while I’m not there. I get almost a full-blown panic attack if I don’t get texted back within five minutes. This has been around since I was a kid, and it just never went away. I hate it when family members go to parties or whatever, but it’s not fair to stop them, and I know that. I just feel like my anxiety is ruining everyone’s lives, and also I have to sit around a lot sobbing because I think people are dead and doing OCD rituals so much and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. But I don’t think there’s a way of recovering from it. I just honestly can’t think of a way. I’m taking Propanolol now, and looking into hypnotherapy (even though I’m not sure if I really believe in it) but…I don’t know. The world just seems like such a terrible, dangerous place all the time. 

Also searching variations on ‘anxiety recovering’ brings up pages and pages about how you have to DITCH THE MEDS to get anywhere, which is probably not gonna happen.

Also also I may not reply to messages about this til the morning, I feel too drained. So…er…it’s back to cheerful fandom blogging for a bit?