kiriamaya:

crowmunculus:

i’ve noticed this recent uptick in really lovely, kind, affirming posts about how executive dysfunction and disability impact hygiene, and how you are not a bad or lazy person for struggling with hygiene when you don’t have the energy or brainpower

and i’ve seen the responding posts calling this “enabling” and “toxic” and telling disabled people we have “no excuse” and, essentially, try to shame disabled people into Better behavior, and it is with the intention to shame no matter how sugarcoated in ~self care~ the words may be

here is a secret: shame is not an effective motivator. do you realize how much shame we feel already when we can’t even wash our hair or brush our teeth? we’re already told that it’s shameful and we already believe it and all that shame and self-loathing have done fucknothing to help us function better. shame makes us function worse because it is an extra emotional burden to distract us and sap our energy reserves

sometimes self-care – genuine self-care – means being kind to yourself even when you are unable to perform tasks. being cruel to yourself will not get those tasks done

look. this isn’t “enabling,” this is literally the kind of CBT practice used by licensed therapists. i am an Officially Mental Ill with the seal of approval from Psychiatry so if you’re into that whole mindset of “doctors are psychic and can do no wrong” then you should give my words a little more credence here: in my therapy sessions once a week one of the main things we work on is helping me be proud of whatever tasks i have accomplished, even if they are small, and be at peace with the tasks i did not accomplish

good doctors don’t shame their patients. good doctors affirm the lived experiences of their patients and help them be at peace with themselves, because trying to fix the external chaos in your life when you still have to settle the internal chaos of self-hatred and guilt that comes with disability is like trying to bail water out of the ocean. you’re not going to get very far

if it were so easy for us to take care of hygiene that we could accomplish it by just ~pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps and doing
it~ then i assure you we would have already fucking done it, and also you have no fucking clue how disability works or what executive dysfunction even is

give us this one fucking inch to love ourselves and be okay with our existence as disabled people. back off.

Repeating for emphasis: “if it were so easy for us to take care of hygiene that we could
accomplish it by just ~pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps and doing
it~ then i assure you we would have already fucking done it, and also
you have no fucking clue how disability works or what executive
dysfunction even is”